The Beginning
by jenrae06
Summary: Jack and Kate oneshot...includes angst and fluff. Please read and review:


Rain threatened to fall from the blackened clouds on the horizon. The wind had picked up in the last couple of days putting a faint chill in the mornings and evenings. The beach was busy with activity and preparation for the storm that was sure to come. Claire tried to quiet a fussy Aaron as Locke stood close by sharpening one of his many knives that never seemed to find boar. Hurley clumsily rushed to help Libby restore her shelter from the strong gust of wind that had blown it apart. Charlie sat in a far place down the beach staring silently at the crashing waves, his thoughts a mystery even to himself. Sawyer snoozed not far from Charlie. He wore a smug smile that was disturbed ever so often by the restlessness of his dreams.

Jack walked blindly out of the jungle to this scene on the beach. His eyes scanned the survivors, but focused on no one. Ana Lucia saw his entrance and began to walk towards him. He seemed to be the only person she was interested in talking to these days. However, upon approaching him, the expression on his face stopped her suddenly. He had a distant look in his eye...a forced distance. It was as if he was looking for something, but trying to convince himself whether or not he found it didn't matter. He continued his walk on the beach, and Ana Lucia watched his path.

Another survivor, someone Ana didn't know, called out to Jack. He had to say his name three times before Jack heard his call. Some kind of rash or cut or one of the other daily burdens that people came to Jack with was the man's reason for summoning him. Jack stood and listened to the survivor's symptoms, but Ana could tell that he was distracted. It was the way he stood with his back tense and the veins in his neck pulsing. It was the quick dart of his eye that kept making quick surveys of the beach. Ana tired of trying to figure out what is was that Jack was looking for and began to turn away, but it was in the last moment that her eye lingered on Jack that she saw him relax. It was as if he let out the breath of tension that he had been holding ever since he stepped foot on the beach. His eyes stared at a far away object, and Ana could detect the slightest of smiles on his lips, and the look of relief that crossed his brow was unmistakable. She followed his gaze to the other side of the beach trying to find what had caused his sudden contentment.

It was then that Ana saw her. She had just walked out from the jungle with a backpack full of what looked like fruit. Her long dark hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of her neck, and she walked with a graceful determination that Ana knew she would never herself have. From the moment Ana had first heard Jack mention Kate's name, she had known that something was going on between them. What she hadn't known was how serious it was. Judging from the look on Jack's face as he silently watched Kate distributing fruit to other survivors, Ana knew that Jack was in deep with this girl...the kind of deep that you never get back out of. Ana wondered if Kate knew Jack's feelings for her or if Jack even knew, but she decided that Jack's love life was none of her business. With one last lingering look, Ana walked away knowing that the only person Jack truly wanted to talk to was the one he was avoiding.

Jack's day progressed quickly. He made his daily rounds checking on all the survivors, making sure that everyone was hydrated and well fed. As he moved and talked, he silently said prayers that no one would get hurt today, that no one would come to him with a problem that he couldn't fix. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the cool breeze slowly began to pick up as the day went on. Locke told him that the storm would hit around dusk. How Locke knew things like this bewildered Jack, but Jack wasn't about to question him.

Throughout all of Jack's chores, he kept an eye out for her. He knew that he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Kate was like an addiction, something he couldn't get out of his system. There were times that he had to literally force himself to not approach her. He knew from looking at her that she was ok and healthy, but it was all the little insignificant things that he wanted to ask her. He wanted to know how her day was going or if she had found anymore places to pick fruit. He wanted to talk to her about the many mysteries of the island and get her opinion on the subject. He wanted to know where she disappeared to everyday after she picked fruit for everyone, but these were all questions that he wasn't ever willing to ask because he thought she wouldn't want him to. She never came to him anymore unless it concerned one of the other survivors. Jack guessed that she took all her own problems to Sawyer now, although he hadn't seen the two really talk in a long while.

Jack had never understood what Kate saw in Sawyer. It wasn't that Jack hated Sawyer or even thought he was a bad person. Jack knew what Kate knew, that Sawyer hurt other people in order to push them away, but Jack didn't understand why Kate thought that she had to fix him. Jack knew that Sawyer could never deserve Kate or treat her the way she deserved to be treated. He wasn't even sure if he himself could treat her good enough, but he knew he wanted to try. And there was a time that he would have been willing to try, but Kate had run, and Jack knew that she had run to Sawyer. He had played that moment out in his head a million times. He tried to think of all the things he could have said to make her stay, but in the end, she always ran. Sometimes she stayed in his dreams, and he kissed her again, but even those happy dreams ended in peril. His last view of Kate before waking in a cold sweat was always her being held with a gun pressed to her throat and that gun going off and Kate dropping lifelessly to the hard ground. It was the days after that reoccurring dream that were the hardest for Jack.

He rarely thought back on that moment in the woods when Kate had almost died right in front of him. The memory of it all was almost too much to endure. He had never known rage as he had known it in that moment. He was sure that he could have ripped Zeke apart with own two hands, but Kate, his Kate, was being threatened. He knew that when Kate was thrown back to Sawyer that she had really wanted him. He remembered her looking to him with a look of sheer desperation, pleading with him to come to her. Everything in his being was screaming out to him to go to her, to hold her and tell her that he would never let anyone take her again, but something had stopped him.

He had always known that Kate was important to him, that she meant something real to him, but he had never gotten how strong his feelings were for her until that moment. Even when he had kissed her, he hadn't really known, but when he saw that gun pressed to her throat, Jack knew to the core of his being that Kate was the single most important thing to him on that island and that she meant more to him than anyone had ever meant before or would mean again. In that moment, he realized that his feelings for Kate were lethal to himself. If he ever lost her, he knew that it would destroy him, that he would never love again, would never feel again, and would welcome death with open arms.

So, for now, Jack kept his distance. He wasn't even sure why he did it, and he knew that it was probably hurting her, but that was the only way he knew how to handle his feelings for her. It had to be all or nothing now. If he gave even a little bit of himself, all of him would come rushing forward, and he couldn't risk that. Kate wouldn't want him to anyway. She had Sawyer, and while Jack didn't think that Sawyer could take care of Kate or give her everything she needed, Jack respected Kate's decision and stayed away.

Kate awoke that morning with a dull headache, a headache that hadn't gone away for days. Her morning was spent doing what she did every morning. She always woke before everyone else, when the sky was still dark and the stars still visible. When Sun had asked her once why she always woke so early, she said it was because she wanted to pick fruit for everyone before they got up. Sun had given her a questioning look knowing there was another reason. Most of the survivors weren't awake until mid-morning which would have given Kate plenty of time to rise at dawn and pick fruit. Sun knew this, and Kate knew that Sun knew this, but Kate wasn't willing to give the real reason that she was up every morning a couple of hours before the sun rose. It was her secret, the only secret she had ever been proud of keeping. She couldn't even remember when she first starting doing it. It was sometime in the days following the hunt for Michael, following the mistake that had cost her Jack's friendship.

Kate wasn't sure why she had followed Jack that day. It was something about how he had yelled at her to stay. It had just made her want to follow him even more. She had known it was a dumb decision, even as she was following him, but she hadn't cared. She just knew she had to follow. She would never forgive herself for getting caught and being used against Jack. It was the last thing she had wanted to do. She had come on the hike to help, and she had instead prevented Jack and the others from going forward. She had known that Jack would be angry, but she thought that his anger would vanish long enough for him to check on her. She would never forget the coldness in his voice as he asked if she was ok. She had never known pain like she had in that moment. It was eerie how Jack's rejection could hurt far worse than everything else she'd been through. Even so, she had been sure that he would eventually forgive her as he had always forgiven her, but that forgiveness had never come.

Kate knew that Jack's distance wasn't only because she had followed him. She knew it had something to do with the kiss, the kiss that gave her chills any time she remembered it. The feeling of his lips on hers, the gentle touch of his hands on her arms, the way her entire being seemed to melt into him for a single moment was almost too much for Kate to feel all at once. That kiss had been a small glimpse into heaven from a life full of hell. If only Jack had seen it the same way. After she had kissed him, it was the first time in her life that Kate didn't have the urge to run. She could have stayed in that moment forever, just being with him, but Jack had pulled away, and Kate's worst fear was confirmed. She had always known that she wasn't good enough for Jack, but in that moment, she realized that he thought she wasn't good enough either. The urge to run returned as panic set in. What had she just done? She'd kissed the man who she could never be with, the man who deserved a woman a thousand times better than herself. She had kissed him, a kiss unwanted. The fear and pain had been too much to take, and so Kate had run. It was what she did best, running.

Kate knew, though, that she would never be able to completely run away from Jack. Even if she could sail across the oceans to a far off place where no one could find her, Jack would be there. He would haunt her dreams and shadow her steps. There are some things you just can't run from, and Kate had finally found hers. When Jack had stopped talking to her after the hike, Kate had slowly begun to spiral downwards. She had tried to distract herself with Sawyer and with other happenings on the island, but nothing could replace Jack. As Kate began to realize this, she began to become desperate. There were moments she had to force herself not to go up to him, to not demand that he speak to her. Even if his words were unkind, it would still be something. Kate knew, though, that she could not approach him. He had made it known to her that she was not wanted, and she wasn't going to gamble him rejecting her again. The silence from him had become too much though. Sleeping through the night became a battle for Kate. Her dreams were filled with images of Jack. He was always running from her, and she could never quite catch up.

One morning after a particular bad dream, Kate had found herself getting up to go for a walk. She wasn't sure where she was going to go, but she couldn't stay in her tiny tent any longer. It had been a couple of hours before dawn and everyone was still fast asleep. Kate wondered around for awhile before eventually ending up outside Jack's tent. After discovering the hatch, he had moved back to the beach. She really hadn't planned on going to his tent, but once she was there, she couldn't seem to tear herself away. It was odd seeing Jack not doing something, not trying to help anyone or save anybody. Kate sat outside his tent for what seemed like hours. When the sky began to turn pink with the rising sun, she stole herself away. She knew that Jack rose every morning at dawn to go get fresh water from the caves for everyone else. She had used to go with him, but not anymore.

It was that morning that had started Kate's before dawn ritual that Sun had questioned about. Kate would rise every morning a couple of hours before dawn to watch Jack sleep. She knew it looked crazy, and if anyone knew that she did it, they would think she was crazy, but Kate needed those hours with Jack. Watching him sleep gave her a kind of peace that she hadn't felt for a long time. In those moments when Kate sat outside Jack's tent, she felt close to him again. All of their problems and tensions disappeared for awhile, and it was just her and Jack there together. Because of that morning ritual, Kate could get through the day without talking to Jack. It wasn't a battle everyday trying not to approach him. As long as she had those early morning hours with him, Kate could hold on to whatever sanity she had left.

The storm was getting closer. Kate could smell it in the air and feel it in the wind. After she had sat that morning with Jack, she had gone to pick fruit. The boar had been scarce lately, and there was only so much fish that you could eat. All of the trees directly surrounding the beach had been picked clean, so Kate had to go farther into the jungle to pick fruit. When she was done, she hurriedly made her way back to the beach to distribute the fruit among the hungry survivors. Upon entering the beach, her eyes immediately searched for Jack. She found him standing across the beach with one of the other survivors. For a second, it seemed that he was looking at her with a slight smile on his face, but Kate quickly dismissed the thought thinking the sun must be playing tricks on her. After her morning duty was complete, Kate filled a few water bottles and headed into the jungle.

Her jungle walks had become quite common. They had started out about the same time she started getting up to watch Jack sleep. On her first walk, she hadn't really had a particular destination in mind. She had just needed to get away from the beach, away from the Jack who wasn't speaking to her. On that first walk, she had wondered around for awhile looking for new places to pick fruit. Before she knew it, she was at the caves. She hadn't been there in a long while, and the sight of them again was overwhelming. Kate had immediately begun to sob. She had at first tried to stop the tears from coming, but after awhile, she just gave in. In Kate's mind, the caves were Jack. There was not a day that went by that Kate didn't regret not going to the caves with him. Even when he had asked her, she had wanted to go, but her heart wasn't calling the shots at that moment. Her defense mechanisms were too strong and she had had them for far too long to go against them at that time.

There were so many memories of Jack in these caves. She remembered them running from bees wearing next to nothing. She remembered trying desperately to dig Jack out from that horrible cave-in and the hug that followed his rescue. She remembered him telling her that he hadn't checked Sawyer's eyes out for Sawyer implying he had done it for her. She remembered him giving her seeds for her garden and with those seeds his forgiveness for her lying to him. And her last memory of the caves was her trying to tell Jack how much he meant to her before she followed Locke into the hatch. These caves were Jack. The walls were much like he was, strong and tall, but still vulnerable and susceptible to crumbling. Kate could breathe easier in the dark hollow of the caves. It was as if in every breath, she was drinking Jack in, willing her memory to never grow foggy of all the meaningful moments she'd spent with him in the cave's presence.

After that first day of coming to the caves, Kate had returned every single day that she could. She always busied herself with different things while she was there. She would scour the trees for more fruit and wash it in the spring. She had started her own little garden in a small clearing beside the caves that she tended every time she was there, and she always made sure to bring back a load of fresh water when she headed back to the beach. However, the ten minutes before Kate left the caves everyday were devoted to just sitting. Kate wasn't one for sitting still. It usually made her restless, but sitting for ten minutes in the caves everyday was like a small therapy session for her. The coolness of the stone against her skin was a comfort, and her mind would always drift to different things. She thought of her mom and Tom often, and her past always came up somewhere in that time, but those ten minutes were mostly spent thinking about Jack. He seemed to be the ever present figure in her dreams, day and night. She didn't even try to push her thoughts of him away anymore because she learned that it was to no avail. Jack was always there, wherever she went, and she knew that would never change.

As Kate entered the caves on this particular day, she felt something was not right. There was a ball of tension in her stomach that she couldn't quite figure out. The caves were too quiet. It was as if the silence was just waiting for something to come along and break it. Kate set about doing her chores knowing that this day was going to be different. The storm wasn't just going to bring thunder and rain. It was bringing something much stronger along with it.

Jack had just finished helping a survivor with a sprained ankle when he heard the cry for help. The day had been fairly uneventful up until that point. It was only a couple of hours before dusk and nothing disastrous had happened so far. So, when Jack heard his name being called with that urgent tone, he took a deep breath before turning toward the source of the cry.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he was about to see. Charlie was running towards him, beckoning for him to hurry over. Echo was behind Charlie carrying a woman, but not just any woman. It was Kate. Her limp body seemed lifeless in Echo's arms. Jack could feel his heart stop for a second. The terror froze his chest, and his head became dizzy with fear. He could feel the color leave his face, and he had to blink several times before he realized that what he was seeing was real. The next thing he knew he was running towards her with a thousand thoughts going through his mind. Did someone hurt her? Did she get too hot? Did she fall from a tree? The one question he refused to ask himself was whether or not she was alive. Death wasn't an option. She had to be alive. Because he was so consumed in his thoughts of Kate, he didn't even notice Sawyer closely following behind Echo with much the same expression that Jack had on his face.

Jack motioned for Echo to take her under his tent, and he rushed over to spread the blanket out before Echo could lay her down. As Echo was doing so, he asked him the question whose answer he wasn't sure he could handle.

"What happened?"

Echo responded with a simple, "I do not know."

As Jack pushed the dark hair out of her face, his breath suddenly caught in this throat. It wasn't Kate. The woman wasn't Kate at all. It was another survivor named Carol. He just stared at her face for a second wondering how he could have made the mistake of thinking she was Kate. They really didn't look alike at all. Kate's hair was curlier and a bit lighter. This woman was taller and bigger boned than Kate with completely different features. How could he have thought it was her? Jack suddenly heard someone breathe out next to him. It was only then that he noticed Sawyer standing right outside the tent. Jack looked at him and saw that he was also pale. As soon as Jack turned towards him, Sawyer caught his eye and gave him peculiar stare. It was the first time since Sawyer had told Jack about Christian that Jack saw he was looking into the eyes of James Ford and not the Sawyer who had replaced him. A second of realization flashed across Jack's mind, but he couldn't hold onto it long enough to figure out what it was saying. Sawyer quickly stood and walked away down to the shore line, and Jack could have sworn that he saw him shaking slightly.

Jack quickly turned back to the woman in front of him. He asked Charlie what had happened, and Charlie said that she had just collapsed on the beach suddenly. Jack searched for an injury, but could find none. However, he noticed that her skin was burning up and that her lips were dry with a thin white line around them. The woman needed water. She must have overheated and gotten dehydrated. With the help of Sun, Jack wet several rags and applied them to the woman's face, neck, and chest. He slowly woke her enough to give her sips of water. After he was confident that she would be ok, he left her in the care of Sun and promised to check back on her in a little while.

Jack slowly made his way over to the shore. He was in a daze and didn't even notice the other survivors as he passed them. Hurley began to call out to him, but saw the pained expression on his face and just let him go. When Jack finally got to the tree on the beach that he always went to, he fell to his knees. He knew that something had to change and fast. He couldn't go on like this any longer. His feelings for Kate were literally affecting all aspects of his life. She consumed him, and he knew that emotionally shutting her out was only making it worse. He stared absently out at the crashing waves not really thinking about anything in particular and only seeing her face in his mind. It was only when Sawyer spoke that Jack noticed he was standing beside him.

"You thought it was her, didn't you?"

Jack looked over to Sawyer taking in his presence, but not understanding his question.

"What?"

"The woman...you thought it was Kate at first."

Jack quickly looked away wondering how Sawyer could have known that, and decided it was best to play dumb.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sawyer flashed him an annoyed look.

"Yes, you do because I was thinking the same damn thing."

As Sawyer said this, Jack realized what he had been thinking when he saw Sawyer standing pale outside his tent. He had realized for a brief second that Sawyer also thought that the woman was Kate and that it had affected him just as much as it had affected himself. Knowing that he could no longer deny it, Jack decided to cut to the chase.

"What's your point Sawyer?"

"My point is that you gotta stop doin' what you're doin'."

Jack looked back at Sawyer with a confused look on his face trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think Jack?"

Sawyer didn't ask this last question sarcastically. He simply asked it as if he truly wanted to know what Jack thought he was talking about. Jack realized that this was going to be one of those rare moments where Sawyer was actually going to talk about something and not play games. He looked to Sawyer and with a small nod, let him know to continue.

Sawyer turned his head to look out to the sea with a funny expression on his face.

"When I came on this island, I was a dead man. I'd done so many bad things in my life that I didn't feel anything anymore. It was easiest just to make people hate me right from the beginning because that's what would happen anyways if they got to know me."

Jack wasn't sure if Sawyer was talking to him anymore or if he was just talking to himself. It as if he was a different man for a second. Not wanting to break this outburst of honesty, Jack just sat silently and let Sawyer talk.

"The thing is that she never would hate me. No matter what I did to her, she never would give up on me."

Jack knew that Sawyer was referring to Kate, and it struck an already strained chord in Jack's heart.

"Any reason you're telling me this Sawyer?"

"Just hold your horses Doc...I'm gettin' there."

Jack sighed and Sawyer continued.

"Do you remember when I made Freckles kiss me out there in the jungle?"

Jack shot Sawyer a glare as if to say, "How could I forget?"

Sawyer just rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, I know," accepting Jack's disgust. "Anyways...something happened when she kissed me. I felt something again for the first time since I don't know when. It was like something inside me started to feel human again."

Sawyer stopped here for a second and just stared out to the ocean with glazed eyes. He suddenly looked to Jack as if he'd just snapped out of a dream and began again.

"So, what I'm trying to tell you is that I care about her...really care about her."

During this whole speech about Kate, Jack had slowly begun to lose his patience. It felt like Sawyer was trying to justify his feelings for Kate to him, and Jack really didn't want to hear it any longer.

"Sawyer, if you love her, why do you keep telling _me_? Why don't you just tell _her_?"

Here, Sawyer turned to face Jack and looked him straight in the eye. Jack returned the stare ready for Sawyer retort with some wise-ass comment.

"Well, that's the thing Jack. Freckles don't love me."

Jack could see the sadness in Sawyer's eyes as he said this and couldn't figure out where he was going with it. Nothing could have prepared him for Sawyer's next words. Keeping his eyes on Jack, Sawyer calmly said,

"She loves you."

Jack just stared back at Sawyer, a million thoughts coursing through his brain. Did he just hear him right? Had he just said that Kate loved him? Could he believe Sawyer? Should he let himself believe Sawyer or would he just be disappointed? Kate couldn't love him. She had run from him to Sawyer. She chose Sawyer. She loves Sawyer.

Sawyer saw the confused look on Jack's face and rolled his eyes once again.

"Oh, don't act like you didn't know. Hell, everyone on this island's known it since day one. You're the only one that ain't caught onto it yet."

Jack couldn't think of anything to say. His mind literally couldn't formulate a single coherent thought into words. All he could think is that she had run from him to Sawyer. That's all he knew.

"She...she..."

Sawyer looked at him as if he knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Why ever she ran from you...it's not what you think."

Jack looked incredulously at Sawyer wondering how he could have known about that unless Kate had told him. There was a sudden pang in his heart thinking about Kate having that conversation with Sawyer.

"You know about that? She told you about that day?"

"No, but I guessed that's what must have happened by the way you two been actin'. Something happened between ya'll out there in the jungle...she ran from you...you think she ran to me. That sound right?"

Jack simply looked away with a pained expression on his face. Sawyer knew he had gotten it right and continued.

"Jack, the only reason she ran from you is because she doesn't think she's good enough for you."

Jack snapped his head back to Sawyer. "What? That doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, to you and me, it don't make sense, but it does to her."

Jack continued to give Sawyer a look of disbelief prompting him to explain.

"Think about it. You're a doctor. You run around savin' everyone's life. Hell, you're the damn hero of the island, and what is she? She's a criminal. She's going to jail for something she probably did. She don't think she's in your league."

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. Even though deep inside him, he knew that Sawyer was right, he didn't want to accept it as truth just yet.

"That's crazy. She's so much more than just..."

Sawyer cut him off. "Yeah, I know that, and you know that, but she don't know that. So, stop giving her the silent treatment because you're killin' her, and I can't stand watching it anymore."

Sawyer had turned his head back out to sea as he said this, an expression of pain and sadness sinking on his face.

"She's strong, but she ain't that strong. If you keep doin' what you're doin', you'll break her, and a girl like her ain't meant to be broken...she might not ever get put back together again."

Slowly everything began to make sense to Jack. He began to see all of Kate's actions in a different light. All the times that he thought she was choosing Sawyer over him, she was really just afraid that he wasn't going to accept her. How could he have been so stupid? Why hadn't he seen this before? Jack didn't know what he was supposed to do now. Should he go to her or did he need to give her space? Everything was hitting him all at once, and his mind couldn't find the solution he was looking for.

"I don't know what..."

Sawyer spoke up quietly from where he was sitting. Jack had completely forgotten he was even there.

"Just go to her. The rest will come to you."

Suddenly, Jack realized what Sawyer had just given up. Sawyer loved Kate. He may not love her in the same way that Jack did, but he loved her nonetheless. Jack knew that everything Sawyer had just said had to be one of the hardest things that he had ever done in his life, but he couldn't understand why Sawyer had done it. What had made him give Kate up? Jack slowly began picking up his stuff as he thought all these things.

"Do you know where she is?"

Sawyer didn't turn towards Jack and simply said, "No, but I'm sure you'll know where to look."

At that moment, Jack wanted to get down on his knees and thank Sawyer. He wanted to tell him how much he appreciated what he had just done, but he knew that Sawyer wouldn't want him to do this. So, he settled for the question that he was dying to ask.

"Sawyer..."

Sawyer turned his head towards Jack.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

Sawyer kind of half laughed and looked away.

"I'm not. I'm doin' it for her."

As he said this, Sawyer had turned back to face Jack. The two men acknowledged each other for what they were, two men who loved the same woman. Though no more words were spoken, a kind of truce was made between them. They both knew that the subject of Kate would never come up between them again, that neither man would mention her name to the other one. A mutual respect was formed right there on that beach, and Jack knew that he had finally made a friend that day in Sawyer. No, they would never joke around or have a drink together like most friends do, but if there was one man on the island that Jack could depend on, it was Sawyer.

Jack gave a small nod to Sawyer and walked away. Sawyer remained on the beach for a long while after that. Even when the rain came, he sat there and let it wash away the tears that he could no longer hold in. The pain that he felt was indescribable, but at least he could feel again, and with that pain, came a peace, a peace that Sawyer had not known in many years. It was that peace that let Sawyer know that he had done the right thing and that he would someday love again.

Jack quickly scanned the beach for Kate. He had to find her, and he had to find her fast. He felt like everything he ever wanted to say to her was just sitting on the tip of his tongue, and he wanted to get to her as soon as possible. He was desperate to make things right with her, to tell her how sorry he was for treating her the way he had.

She was nowhere in sight.

He turned toward the jungle and struck a random path in the thick overgrowth. She couldn't be that far away. Panicked thoughts rushed into Jack's mind that something had happened to her, but he pushed them away telling himself that she was fine. The wind began to blow harder, and Jack could smell the rain in the air. He had to find her before the storm hit. He didn't like the idea of Kate being alone with this monster of a storm coming. Jack began to run. He had no idea where he was going, but he thought that maybe this once, fate would be on his side and lead him to wherever she was. As he ran, his mind raced with thoughts of Kate, and his heart pounded in his chest. He felt that he was literally going to burst with what he was feeling inside. It was as if all the emotions he'd felt for Kate from the beginning had hit him all at once. He wasn't going to be content again until he had told her, until he could say to her all the things he should have said long ago. He didn't even stop to think how Kate would respond. He just knew that once he found her, everything would be ok.

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew a large tree branch right in front of him. The path Jack was currently on was now barred by the huge limb. He turned and there in front of him laid a more familiar path...a path he had trodden many times before. He knew where she was. Fate had indeed intervened.

Kate had waited too long to leave the caves, and she knew that if she left now, she would get caught in the jungle when the storm hit. She scolded herself for staying so long. The idea of everyone huddled together on the beach seemed so welcoming, and here she was alone in the caves. While they usually comforted her, the idea of riding out a storm in them alone wasn't altogether thrilling.

She all of a sudden ached for Jack. She breathed in sharply trying to push the pain in her chest away telling herself that she was fine. The wind howled in the trees, and all the normal jungle noises seemed to be magnified. Kate knew that she was letting herself get carried away, but she couldn't stop the fear that was spreading in her chest. She loved thunderstorms, but this was no regular storm. She began to shiver from the cold and slowly backed up into a small cove that would offer some shelter.

As she slid to the stone floor, she put her head in her hands and tried to imagine that Jack was there sitting beside her. Instead of comforting her, the thought only saddened her even more. Tears slowly began to fall down her face, and she made no attempt to stop them. The rain would come and wash them away. She knew that she had just hit rock bottom. Sitting and crying was not something that she did. She was strong. She could beat this, but even as she thought the words, she knew it wasn't true. The small ray of hope she had held onto for so long was fading. The tears fell faster now, and her shoulders began to shake.

A tree branch snapped, and Kate was snatched back to reality. She looked up and was shocked at what she saw.

_He was there_.

"Kate."

He said her name softly, and the look on his face was unreadable. Kate stared up at him wondering if he was really there or if she was imagining it. She suddenly realized how she must look to him and scrambled to her feet. She wiped the tears quickly from her face praying that Jack hadn't noticed.

"Hey," was all she could get out.

"Hey."

They stood staring at each other. Jack suddenly lost his thoughts in Kate's reddened eyes, and could think of nothing intelligent to say.

"What are you doing here?"

Kate fumbled for an excuse, but nothing believable came to mind.

"Oh...nothing."

Jack saw her tear stained cheeks and wondered what had upset her.

"Are you ok?"

Kate tried desperately to think of something to say. She couldn't do this. She couldn't face him now. She was going to break down. She had to get away.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll leave the caves to you. I've got to get going..."

Kate turned to leave.

"Wait."

Jack regained his courage. He was going to say what he had come to say. It was now or never.

"I need to tell you something."

Kate's face filled with dread. This was it. This was when he was going to tell her that she wasn't good enough.

Jack saw the fear on Kate's face and knew exactly what she was thinking.

"It's not bad."

Kate relaxed a bit and waited for Jack to continue.

"I owe you an apology."

Kate was caught off guard. Surely, that's not what he had come for.

"For what?"

"I haven't been fair to you. The way I've been treating you...I'm so sorry."

Jack's face was filled with remorse and guilt. He looked at her intently, and Kate became self-conscious. She didn't deserve this.

"Jack, you don't have..."

Jack cut her off.

"Wait, let me finish."

Kate nodded slightly, and he continued.

"That day in the woods when we kissed..."

"Don't say it."

Jack looked at Kate, confused at what she had just said.

"Say what?"

"What you're about to say."

He still didn't know what she was getting at.

"What do you think that I'm going to say?"

Kate took a deep breath and dropped Jack's gaze.

"That it was a mistake."

The words were barely above a whisper, but Jack understood what she had said and was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of remorse. Is that what she thought, that he viewed the kiss as a mistake? How could he have let her believe this for so long? The wind really began to pick up and the first sprinkles of rain began to fall to the ground. Jack took a step towards Kate.

"A mistake? No, I wasn't going to say that. I don't think the kiss was a mistake."

Kate looked up at him suddenly, and Jack could see her eyes were filled with tears.

"You don't?"

"No."

Kate could see that Jack was telling the truth, and she began to feel warmer despite the cold wind swirling around her.

"It's just that when you ran, I thought that you were running to him."

Kate gave Jack an astonished stare. Was he talking about Sawyer? Surely not.

"To who? Sawyer? You actually think I ran from _you_ to _Sawyer_? Jack, I..."

Jack cut her off again.

"Wait."

Jack stared at Kate intently for a second slowly building courage for what he was going to say.

"When I thought you'd gone back to Sawyer, I got angry. I thought that you had meant the kiss for him, not me. Then, I saw you both at the beach together, and you looked so...happy."

Jack paused here for a second remembering that day. Kate could find no words and simply stared at Jack wondering if she dare believe everything he was saying to her. It seemed too good to be true. Jack continued.

"When I told you not to come on the hunt for Michael and Walt, I was out of line. So much was going on, and then everything with you and Sawyer pushed me overboard, but that's no excuse. I had no right to yell at you."

The apologies were too much for Kate.

"Jack, you don't have..."

"Yes, I do, and that's not all. When I saw you with that gun to your throat, I've never been that scared. I thought I was about to lose you, and I knew that if I lost you, everything would be lost, including me."

Kate could see the tears in Jack's eyes, and her breath caught in her throat. Jack only took a quick breath and kept talking.

"When you were given back to us, I wanted nothing more than to hold you and tell you that everything was ok, but I couldn't. At that moment, I realized how much you meant to me, and I couldn't deal with it. The only thing I knew to do was shut you out. I thought that if I shut you out, that I would eventually stop caring, but it didn't work that way. I just started to care more and more."

As Jack had been saying this, he had walked slowly towards Kate. Kate made no move to run away and simply stared at him with silent tears running down her face. Jack was now right in front of her. She could feel his warmth radiating off him, and she wanted to sink into his arms and let him hold her until she felt safe again, until all the pain she'd ever felt went away, but she didn't do this. She simply stared at him, scared that she would suddenly wake in her lonely tent and find this was all a dream.

Jack reached his hand out and gently caressed Kate's cheek. Kate shivered from his touch. _He was real_.

"I need you Kate. I can't pretend anymore that you don't mean anything to me because you do….you mean everything, and I want you to know…"

"Jack, stop. You have to stop."

Kate had begun to lose her breath. It was like the walls of the caves were closing in on her. Jack was there right in front of her, and yet he seemed so far away.

"Kate, what is it?"

"I'm not…I'm not…"

The words wouldn't come because she didn't want to believe they were true.

"You're not what?"

Jack had kept his hand on Kate's face and was gently wiping away the tears that were falling in a steady stream.

"I'm not worth all this. I'm not worth you apologizing."

Jack suddenly felt a sharp pain in his heart as Kate said this.

"Don't you ever say that to me. You're worth _everything._"

Kate turned and began to walk away. Her words were muffled in between the sobs that had begun to rack her body.

"No, I'm not Jack. I'm not, and you can't pretend that I am because you'll just be disappointed."

Jack stared at her incredulously.

"Disappointed? What…"

Kate interrupted. Her words began to tumble out of her like honey spilling out of a jar. Each word built upon the last, and the wind whipped her curls wildly around her face.

"Once you really got to know me, you'd see. I've done things that I can't take back."

Jack tried to walk towards her again, but she stepped away.

"Kate, I don't care. We've all done things that we regret, but that doesn't make us who we are. I do know you, and what I see is beautiful."

The wind began to come in gusts, and there was a flash of lightening that lit up the caves in a peculiar light. Kate's green eyes flashed in the sudden light, and Jack could see the fear, the panic.

"Jack….don't. I can't….I'm not"

Kate's voice had risen so Jack could hear her over the howling wind. Jack stared at her, desperately trying to reach her, trying to understand why she wouldn't give in to him.

"What? Tell me what it is."

Kate began to feel desperate. She had nowhere to run, and she didn't want to run, not from Jack, but she couldn't let him love her. She would only end up hurting him, disappointing him. Her breath came in short gasps, and her heart felt as if it would pound out of her chest. All the feelings of self loathing and guilt and regret began to rise up inside her. She could feel them creeping up from the pit of her stomach until they reached her throat threatening to choke her if she didn't get them out. She felt as is she was going to explode.

"I'm not good enough for you!"

As soon as she had yelled the words, a loud clap of thunder tore through the sky. The heavens were opened, and the rain began to fall. It was a wild and chilling rain that pricked your skin as it touched you. The wind blew it in torrents through the cave, but Jack and Kate didn't move. Kate's words had paralyzed Jack. They were foreign to him, uttered in some strange language that he didn't understand, that he would never believe. Kate only took a gasping breath and went on.

"You deserve someone good…someone who doesn't have the past I do. I would never be able to be what you need."

Jack just shook his head wondering wildly how Kate could even imagine that there was anyone else in the world better for him than her. She was a rare jewel…a precious stone that glimmered and sparkled among all the other rocks. He had to make her understand.

"But I don't want anyone else! Kate, how can I make you understand?"

Kate just looked at him. He could see that she was tired, spent from all the emotions running through her.

"Understand what?"

Jack stared intently at Kate willing her to know that he meant every single word he was about to say to her with every inch of his being.

"Understand what Jack?

"That I want _you_. You, Kate. I want you just like you are. I hate that you had to go through all the horrible things that must have happened to you, but if all those things hadn't happened, if you hadn't done what you did, then you wouldn't be standing in front of me right now."

Kate suddenly caught her breath. The panic began to slowly leave her. Jack could see that he had finally gotten to her.

"Kate, everything has brought us up to this moment."

Jack could see Kate's eyes light up slightly. The hope had rekindled.

"I thought you didn't believe in destiny."

"I was wrong. If there is one thing this island has taught me, it's that everyone has a destiny."

Kate's voice was barely above a whisper. Jack had to strain to hear her over the pounding rain.

"What's mine?"

"Only you know that."

Kate began to walk away. She walked shakily out from under the shelter of the caves and into the jungle. Jack followed. She suddenly stopped and turned to face Jack. The look on her face almost brought Jack to his knees. He could see every pain she'd ever felt written in her eyes. He could see all the dark cold nights that were spent huddled in an alley or in a tunnel in a park. He could see the endless days of driving with no money for food and no one to talk to. He could see all the men who had tried to touch her and grab her and had only succeeded in making her feel worthless and dirty. He could see all the guilt and regret that she carried with her everyday, the guilt that had eaten away at her soul, the guilt that had threatened her sanity. Jack saw all of this, and he wanted to wipe it all away. He wanted to make her not hurt anymore, but he knew that he didn't have the power to do this. He couldn't fix Kate, and she didn't need him to fix her. She only needed to realize that she was so much more than all her dark memories. She only had to realize that she was the beautiful strong woman that Jack saw every time he looked at her. If she could just see this, then she could finally know why it was that he loved her so much.

"I just….I'm so tired of running Jack."

Jack took a step towards her, and he knew that he had to take a chance, a chance that she might not run.

"I know. I know you are, but look at me."

Kate couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.

"Look at me."

She finally met his gaze.

"Do you honestly want to run right now? Can you look me in the eye and tell me truthfully that you don't feel something for me?"

Kate continued to stare at Jack. The rain fell in sheets between them, but she could feel his warm heat radiating towards her, pulling her into him. It was then that she realized it.

She didn't want to run.

There was no panic, no fear, no pain. She realized that there was nowhere in the world that she would rather be than right here. There was no other place other than this crazy haunted island that she wanted to be because Jack was here. He was standing right in front her asking her to love him, asking her to be with him, to give into all the feelings she had for him, to not run from him anymore.

_Jack,_ the man that she had always dreamt of, the man that she never even thought existed was standing in front of her telling her that he wanted her, that he wanted her just the way she was.

No, she didn't want to run. No, she couldn't tell him that she didn't feel something for him because she did. If she didn't take this chance with him now, she would lose him forever. Fate had dealt her a sweet card, and she wasn't going to let it pass her up. She was going to take this chance with Jack because she knew him to be the greatest man she'd ever met, the greatest man she ever would meet. She was going to let him love her because somewhere deep inside there was a light and a hope that she hadn't felt in a long time. For the first time in her life, Kate felt goodness within her, a goodness that she never thought was possible. It was now or never.

Jack held his breath waiting for Kate's response. He knew that she felt something for him, but he wasn't sure if she was going to give into it. If she ran now, he knew that he would be lost, eternally lost. He needed her. He loved her, and he needed her love in return. He silently watched her through the rain trying to read her thoughts, trying to read what she was going to do. The rain began to fall harder and harder. He had to blink away the droplets that had fallen on his eyelashes. His vision grew hazy from trying so hard to keep his eyes on Kate. He closed them tightly for one second trying to steady himself. When he opened them again, she was gone. A fear rose within him. Had she really run? Jack felt as if he was going to break, but then suddenly she was there, standing right in front of him, her body touching his own. She had her hands on his face and was looking up at him. Her bright green eyes stared into his own, and she said the words that Jack knew he would never forget, the words he had been longing to hear for so long.

"I feel everything for you."

He smiled at her through the tears that had begun to fall down his face and put his hand on the back of her head entwining his fingers in her dark hair and pulled her lips to his. He kissed her deeply and passionately pouring his whole self into her. He could feel her shaking, and he wrapped his other arm around her pulling her into him. She kept her hands on his face and neck returning the kiss with just as much passion and hunger. For the first time in their lives, Jack and Kate felt whole. They were where fate had always meant them to be, in each other's arms and lives. Neither could ever remember how long they stood there in the rain that day, but it was a moment that each remembered for the rest of their lives. The rain continued to fall around them, and thunder shook the sky, but Jack and Kate were oblivious to everything but each other. They stayed wrapped in each other's embrace for what seemed like eternity while the endless rain fell around them. This was only the beginning...

Fin


End file.
